Why does Walgreens continue to be higher priced than every other store in the surrounding area? I blame myself for continuing to shop there...but they make it so easy to impulse buy, ESPECIALLY at the check-out counter! I'm standing in line with my 2 sticks of Deodorant for $9 (which shouldn't seem like a bargain, but it does) - and next thing I know I'm buying a vibrating pen, 6 lighters and a Cadbury Egg for no other reason except, they were there. I think the real reason they have all that shit in line at Walgreens is to keep you from focusing on the stuff that the other customers are purchasing in line. We all know that Walgreens is where we can pick up prescriptions and any last minute remedies for whatever new disease we think we might have. They figure if I start playing with the vibrating pen then I won't notice the guy next to me ringing up a 72oz bottle of Gay-Y Jelly and his anti-crotch pocks cream. Walgreens is a scamming shit-hole that I would boycott all together, but I can't because I never know when I'm gonna get the sudden urge to pick up 3 sweat-shirts for $10 and dissolving tablets for my typhoid fever (which is awkward cause I haven't played the Oregon Trail since I was 7).
Quick side note: Wouldn't it be awesome to put out a reality TV show based on the Oregon Trail? We get 4 families and they get a wagon, oxen, and 12 days to make it across the country. They have to shoot buffalo's to eat...but the producers also unload a shitload of rabbits that they will constantly miss with the bullets! Every 3 days we get someone from a 3rd-world country and let them lay all around the wagon to pass along a new disease that the family will have to outlast for the rest of the trip. I know I'd stay home to watch that over "I Love New York" - let that ugly bitch lead the wagon.
Finally - my last complaint of the week....I saw a package of condoms that said on it "For Her Pleasure"! Just how much can condoms fucking suck? It already feels like we're banging an ottoman, now we're going to continue to enhance HER half of this? Can we possibly make a condom for HIS pleasure? Excuse me for being selfish here...but FUCK! Having sex with a condom is like getting a birthday card without money...it's a nice gesture, unfortunately it doesn't do anything for us. Some condoms are made out of sheep skin...now, I've never fucked a sheep before, but if this condom is any prelude then I think I'd rather rub my pecker over sandpaper than hump into this hopeless sperm catcher. Everything about a condom is a turn off: the look, the smell, the disposal of it after you're done. I've never just been able to throw one in the garbage and I certainly don't feel like pigeon walking to the bathroom afterwards to flush it. 9 times out of 10 it ends up sitting on a table for a few hours or goes into a pop can that I had laying around. They should scrap the condom idea and come up with something new...like an electrical current that you can connect to your balls that detects when you are about to cum and fries all your sperm on the way out! If they can make dildo's with a V-8 Engine then why can't they come up with a better way to feel the love between two people on a drunken night!
Until next time...I'll obviously be masturbating...alone
VC
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