3 Things I've Learned About Women

There are three things I've learned about women in my lifetime.

1) They have to be sleeping by a certain time
2) They can't hold it when they have to go to the bathroom
3) They can't wait to eat when they are hungry

I've also learned that if you fuck with or get in the way of ANY of these three things, you are in for a broken roller coaster of emotions followed by a natural disaster.
Have you ever been arguing with your girlfriend and she got tired? She HAS to end that argument and go to bed. If you try to interfere she will spin her head around and scream so loud even Gothic kids would freak out. Girls have an inner-clock OCD and if you get in the way they will go Charles Starkweather on your ass.

If a girl has to go to the bathroom you HAVE to get her to a bathroom ASAP. When a guy has to hold it we just joke about how we have to piss. When a girl has to hold it they act like you're trying to steal their baby. They whine, complain, moan, and make it known to everybody. There is a chemical imbalance involved in urinary fluid for girls and it needs to be released or they turn homicidal.

If a girl is hungry then GET HER FOOD. It doesn't matter if she's a vegetarian.... pull over at a farm and take the leg off a cow! Girls need to eat and don't have the patience to wait. A girl will complain about her weight all night, but when the moon is full and their stomach starts growling, get a breadbasket, soup, salad, mints, appetizers, first course, second course, & dessert. And one of these things BETTER be chocolate!

The worst part is if a girl hears a noise in the middle of the night, they wake YOU up. If a girl brings a purse out with her and gets tired of carrying it, YOU hold it. And it’s always some big, bulky, ridiculously colored purse that makes you stand out like…a dude holding a big, bulky, ridiculously colored purse! And if you are not hungry a girl will still make you try everything she has! I’ll never understand women and that is why I will always maintain…they are the craziest, most psychotic people put on this planet!